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| Walter Maracineanu, 2010 |
I have (and always had) a very close relationship to my mother. It was as close as it was distant the one with my father. I don't know if this was the reason or it happened in compensation but the sure thing is that I am close with my mother. She has always been around and always been there for me and my family for good and for bad.
I will be 40 next year and she's still around, living practically in our house, helping us raising my 3 kids. She's one of the reasons I have achieved so much in my life. Not only because of the education given by her (under very difficult family environment) but also for the great help and support offered in last years when I had to do a lot of work. And if you wondered how I can afford the time to travel alone or with Cami, now you know the reason.
I love her. And I owe her greatly. I am extremely fortunate to have this kind of mother. But sometimes it's overwhelming. The exacerbated feeling of duty, the continuous worry for all the things in the world she constantly transmits makes her proximity difficult. Especially when it comes in opposition with my desperate attempt to reduce the stress and rhythm of my life.
But 9 out of 10 times when I feel this is too overwhelming I remember that is not about her. Its about what life left from her, my father and their relationship in my soul and personality and how do I perceive everybody's behavior (including her) related my own psychologic features. I have worked very much and hard to understand how and why this happened but is still very difficult to remember and adapt. And every time I fail, I regret it very much.